JOTD: College Grads

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

GSOTD: Human Fly

Click on the title to view.

By THE CRAMPS

Well i'm a human fly
it's spelt F-L-Y
I say buzz,buzz,buzz,and it's just becuzz...
I'm a human fly and i don't know why
I got ninety six tears in my ninety six eyes

I got a garbage brain,it's drivin' me insane
And i don't like your ride,so push that pesticide
And baby i won't care,cuz baby i don't scare
Cuz i'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare Rockin'....zzzzz

I'm a human fly
It's spelt F-L-Y
I say buzz,buzz,buzz,and it's just becuzz...
I'm a unzipped fly and i don't know why
and i don't know,but i say

buzz...ride tonight
and i say buzz...rocket ride
And i say buzz...i don't know why
I don know i Just don't know why?

JOTD: Nurse Nancy

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.

''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!''

''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!''

All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway.
''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''

GSOTD: Naked Girl Falling Down The Stairs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIFixat9ZMk

By THE CRAMPS

I went to the museum and stood on a chair. Some girl drew a crowd by what she didn't wear. She made everybody look up there. It was a naked girl fallin' down the stairs! Naked girl fallin' down the stairs. Naked girl fallin' down the stairs. All the way down she was up in the air. Naked girl fallin' down the stairs. It was a naked girl right in my face. High class culture all over the place. My watch stopped tickin'...shoes came unlaced. When I watched her trippin' down a staircase. It looked like a mistake at a steeplechase. A busted flywheel at stock car race. I fell in love at a terrible pace. When someone gave her a shove down a staircase.

P.E.T.A. Approved JOTD: A Real Watch Dog

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."

GSOTD: Garbageman

Click on the title to view this clip.

By THE CRAMPS

you ain't no punk, you punk. you wanna talk about the real junk? if i ever slip, i'll be banned 'cause i'm your garbageman. well you can't dig me you can't dig nothin'. do you want the real thing, or are you just talkin'? do you understand? i'm your garbageman. yeah, somethin' from the garage and down the driveway. now get outta your mind and get outta my way. now do you understand? do you understand? louie, louie, louie, lou-i the bird's the word and do you know why? you gotta beat it with a stick. you gotta beat it 'til it's thick. you gotta live until you're dead. you gotta rock 'til you see red. now do you understand? do you understand? i'm a garbageman. aw, jump on and ride... yeah it's just what you need when you're down in the dumps. one half hillbilly and one half punk. big long legs and one big mouth. the hottest thing from the north to come out of the south. do you understand? do you understand? woo, i can't lose with the stuff i use, and you don't choose no substitutes. so stick out your can 'cause i'm your garbageman. louie, louie, louie, lou-i the bird's the word and do you know why? you gotta beat it with a stick. you gotta beat it 'til it's thick. you gotta live until you're dead. you gotta rock 'til you see red. now do you understand? do you understand? do you understand? all right, hop off.

Lessons Learned

What We Have Learned From Watching Porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip

JOTD: Too Smart

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!"

GSOTD: What's Inside A Girl

Click on the title to view this clip.

By THE CRAMPS

Whoa...there's some things baby I just can't swallow. Mama told me that girls are hollow. Uh-uh...What's inside a girl? Somethin's tellin' me there's a whole nuther world. Ya gotta pointy bra...ten inch waist. Long black stockings all over the place. Boots...buckles...belts outside. Whatcha got in there yer tryin' a-hide? Hmmm? What's inside a girl? Ain't no hotter question in a so-called civilized world. Can't see it by satellite baby that's cheatin'. The President's callin' an emergency meetin'. The King of Siam sent a telegram sayin' "Wop bop a loop a lop a lop boom bam!" Wooee...What's inside a girl? Somethin's tellin' me there's a whole nuther world. Whatcha got...whatcha got...Whatcha got in the pot? Whatcha got...whatcha got...Whatcha got in the pot? In the bottom of your bottomless bodypit. You got somethin' and I gotta get it. Come onnn...What's inside a girl? Like da itty bitty baby takes apart his toys. I'm gonna find what's rilin' up the boys. Sugar and spice is just a bluff. You can tell me baby...what is that stuff?! Come on...What's inside a girl? That wavy gravy got my head in a whirl.

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