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Saturday, September 30

Kate Moss joins Pete Doherty onstage - and in tour bus

Wednesday September 27th, 2006 at 8:18 pm by Heather Honeypot

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are reportedly inseparable now that Pete has checked out of the Priory - including when Pete’s at work.

Kate joined Pete and his band, Babyshambles, on stage during their Dublin show on Monday night and suddenly grabbed the microphone so she could join Pete in singing their song ‘La Belle et La Bête’.

An onlooker revealed: “It was a fantastic moment. Everyone went wild. Kate looked sensational - and she sounded great.”

After the song finished, Kate walked off-stage but started taking photos of Pete and the band from the vantage point of on top of a speaker.

Kate also spent the night with Pete and the band on their tour bus instead of staying at the luxury hotel she had booked to stay in. An inside source commented: “She and Pete don’t care where they spend the night so long as they’re together.”

Catch the real 'Saturday Night Live' as its 31st year kicks off

Mike Hughes

Gannett News Service

Tonight's Must-See: "Saturday Night Live," 10:30 p.m., NBC.

The world has become newly interested in the big, broad and unwieldy "Saturday Night Live."

Fictional versions of the show provide the backdrop for two new NBC series — Aaron Sorkin's great "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" and Tina Fey's fairly good "30 Rock," which begins Oct. 11.

Alongside those fictional versions, the real "SNL" starts its 31st year. That's right, 31.

The opener is hosted by Dane Cook, who's been busy lately. On HBO, he's had a comedy special and a reality show. In theaters, he has one new movie, "Employee of the Month," and two more on the way. The Killers will be tonight's musical guests.

The show had grown to 16 sketch players, but the cast will trim down now. Fey and Rachel Dratch left for "30 Rock," and Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell and Finesse Mitchell are also gone.

Seth Meyers will take Fey's spot on the "Weekend Update" desk alongside Amy Poehler. Meyers continues to be one of the three head writers. Andrew Steele also continues in that job, and Paula Pell takes Fey's head-writer spot.

Cook to stir up a fresh 'Live' season

LOS ANGELES - On Saturday's season opener of Saturday Night Live, comedian Dane Cook will not only get the expected laughs but also achieve a lifelong dream.

"When I started doing standup, even well before standup, a goal that I set for myself was to be a part of Saturday Night Live," Cook told The Associated Press on Friday.

Cook, 34, first hosted the show last year. Returning so soon was "like coming back to the best camp I've ever gone to in my life," he said. "I feel almost like I'm a part of the cast."

'SNL' may be nearing its end

By BILL BRIOUX -- Toronto Sun

Wanna feel old? Tonight marks the 32nd season premiere of Saturday Night Live. While SNL obits have been written many times in the past, the notion that the show could finally be nearing the end isn't so wild and crazy anymore.

This despite -- or maybe because -- the long-running sketch series has inspired two prime-time network programs this fall: Aaron Sorkin's behind the scenes drama Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip and former SNL head writer/Weekend Update anchor Tina Fey's comedy 30 Rock, which premieres in two weeks.

And that's the problem: SNL has been around so long and has become such a part of the establishment that it is now the target instead of the sniper. As somebody cracked last week, Studio 60 is too much like Saturday Night Live -- not funny enough and over after an hour.

No show received more pre-release publicity this fall than Studio 60. Yet, despite generally good reviews, the ratings for the first two episodes have been just so-so. Could the lukewarm response to Studio 60 be linked to a "who cares anymore" about SNL?

Studio 60, in my view, has its own problems. Last week's episode ended with what was supposed to be a brilliant "cold opener," a Gilbert & Sullivan-style sketch involving the entire ensemble backed by an orchestra.

The bit screamed clever -- just not funny. Now, if you're going to set something up to be brilliant, it better be killer funny. Instead, "We'll Be The Very Model Of A Modern Network TV Show" fell flat -- not because the lyrics weren't witty (there was that line about a producer "caught doing blow") -- but because the actors who play the Studio 60 sketch troop are about as funny as, well, Al Gore on Saturday Night Live.

Another mistake is that Sorkin, who idealized the White House on The West Wing, seems bent on crafting the ideal SNL. That's a bad idea -- SNL was never an ideal anything. At its best it was a rock 'n' roll comedy show with "Not Ready For Prime Time Players" running the asylum. Now that SNL is ready for prime time, it is so over.

The other tip off is tonight's SNL host: Dane Cook, one of the hottest comedians on the U.S. comedy circuit. Cook, however, has built his fan base not through television or even so much through touring and club work as through the Internet. He's a huge deal on MySpace as well as on his own site, danecook.com.

Cook hammers the point home: Saturday Night Live is part of the old medium. It is your parents' comedy show. It is toast.

Even NBC seems to know the jig is up. They gave executive producer Lorne Michaels a choice this season: Cut the cast back or make fewer shows this season.

The cast is now down to 11 members from last season's 16. Besides the loss of Fey and Rachel Dratch (also on 30 Rock), Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell, both with the show since 1997, are gone as is three-year veteran Finesse Mitchell.

Without, arguably, these funniest cast members, it is hard to see SNL rebounding from last year's average audience of 6 million viewers per week -- the lowest numbers in the show's history.

If SNL has any balls left, it will roar back tonight and goof on that lame Studio 60 production number with a Gilbert & Sullivan shtick of their own. Hopefully, it will be funny. Otherwise, stick around for what is increasingly becoming the only reason left to watch the show: The musical guest. This week, ominously, it is The Killers.

SYV: You Really Got Me

Click on the title to view.

By THE KINKS

GSOTD: All Day & All of the Night

Click on the title to view this video

By THE KINKS

I'm not content to be with you in the daytime
Girl I want to be with you all of the time
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Girl I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night

I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yea, all day and nighttime yours, leave me never
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Girl I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
Oh, come on...

I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yea, all day and nighttime yours, leave me never
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Girl I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night time
All day and all of the night

'SNL' slims down

Smaller cast hopes to resuscitate show in its 32nd season

Gary Levin
USA Today
Sept. 30, 2006 12:00 AM

NEW YORK - Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers are all about good chemistry.

The new anchor duo at "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live, making their debut this weekend, point out that they're both from New England. Both got their starts as comedians in Chicago. And they've already played a team in a popular SNL sketch: Dan and Sally Needler, "the couple that should be divorced."

"Seth and I have a very familial, dare I say fraternal, relationship," Poehler says in a joint interview at SNL's offices. "We have a very similar sensibility."

Meyers also "writes great jokes, and I'm really looking forward to saying them and getting credit," she says.

Meyers has other plans. After Poehler snatched the "Update" anchor slot from him two years ago in an audition faceoff, "My vengeance was to get it with her and torpedo her."

Wisecracks aside, how they gel may be crucial to determining the health of the late-night staple, which begins its 32nd season. Behind the desk, they follow such storied anchors as Chevy Chase, Dennis Miller and Norm MacDonald.

Under the surface, SNL is weathering its biggest shake-up in years. Producer Lorne Michaels, stuck with what he called "massive" budget cuts, trimmed three cast members: eight-year veterans Chris Parnell and Horatio Sanz, and Finesse Mitchell, who joined in 2003.

Two others - Rachel Dratch and head writer and "Update" anchor Tina Fey - left to work on 30 Rock, Fey's NBC sitcom, due Oct. 11. It's about the goings-on backstage at a show suspiciously like SNL.

SNL had its worst ratings last season, averaging 6.5 million viewers, a 6 percent drop from 2004-05. And amid the cutbacks, a new director was named.

"There's a ton of transition going on," says Poehler, 35.

Though she says she'll miss her co-stars, "we're kind of excited about the idea of a slimmer (cast)," she adds brightly. "Skinny is in right now."

But Meyers, 32, one of three head writers, says that when sketches are planned, "a lot of your obvious choices that you've been making in casting are gone."

Without Sanz, Meyers says, "I hope Gene Shalit doesn't turn up in the news, because that would be seriously heartbreaking."

The show's lean team of 11 cast members - including Meyers, who will appear only on "Update" - is its smallest since 1987, when Miller, Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman and Jon Lovitz were on the show. But those who remain "will get a chance to develop different muscles," Meyers says.

Look for more short films from newer cast members in the wake of Parnell and Andy Samberg's Internet-fueled Chronicles of Narnia rap, the show's most talked-about recent clip.

Comedian Dane Cook hosts tonight's opener, with musical guest the Killers, and Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl) hosts the show Oct. 7, with singer Corinne Bailey Rae as guest.

Dumb JOTD: Redneck On Vacation

You might be a redneck if you have ever vacationed in a highway rest area.

Friday, September 29

Folds charms home-town fans

DANIELLE O'DONOHUE

September 30, 2006 12:15am

IT DIDN'T take Adelaide's favourite adopted son, Ben Folds long to launch into his ode to the City of Churches, the simply titled "Adelaide".

Appropriately for the Festival Theatre concert, where Folds was backed by the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra, that song was one of the most dynamic in a night where rock and pop tunes took on a whole new dimension.

Backed by the 80-plus members of the ASO, which was conducted by Guy Noble, Folds' lyrical and witty pop songs became cinematic soundtracks, jazzy piano bar numbers and old musical hall-sounding classics thanks to the addition of strings, percussion, a brass section and even a harp.

Kicking things off with the uptempo "Zak and Sara", Folds mixed a night of songs with stories about the origins of many of his ditties. He named Norwood, Hindmarsh and North Adelaide as the birthplace of many of his musical creations.

The sold-out audience even got to join in - with Folds doing some conducting of his own to lead the crowd in a mass choir session.

And despite the auspicious occasion, Folds still looked every inch the rocker in his brown flared cords, t-shirt and sneakers.

It took a while for the audience to get vocal but when Folds started dropping local references the crowd got into the spirit of the night.

"You've got a lot of people who've never been to the orchestra before," Folds said before the show.

"Some nights they (the audience) have been slightly confused. Other nights they've decided on the first note that they're going to yell, like `let's see your tits' to the violin player."

Folds said he gets little time during the show to fully appreciate the musicians he's sharing the stage with.

"I'm pedalling ferociously beneath it all," he said.

"I'm really working hard to stay in time with bands that don't exist in metrical time. They exist in their own time. It's good time but it's different.

"When something comes up that they dig, when a moment blossoms, they just sit in it for an extra couple of seconds and meanwhile I'm onto the next bar. When they're liking their sound they just slow down."

Folds, who splits his time between his home in Adelaide and Nashville in the States is also about to release a new album, the eccentrically titled, supersunnyspeedgraphic, the LP of which contains a version of his ode to his adopted home.

Folds plays another sold-out concert at the Festival Theatre tonight.

Rocker Dave Matthews embraces the cause of the farmer

By CHUCK DARROW, Courier-Post

CAMDEN, N.J. -- Back in the 1960s and early '70s, Manhattan-attorney-turned-farmer Oliver Wendell Douglas (played by the late Eddie Albert on the CBS sitcom "Green Acres") would often launch into an impassioned speech about the importance of the American farmer to the nation's social and economic well-being.

Those monologues, always delivered with the strains of patriotic fife music in the background, were offered strictly for laughs. Decades later, rock superstar Dave Matthews is echoing the character's sentiments, but comedy has nothing to do with it.

"Our view of what a farmer is, the one we imagine in our head, by the silos, near the barn, tending to his pigs, tending to his cattle, or tending to the fields, is really being erased" says the 39-year-old jam band avatar.

"I feel like the farmer in America represents all the things, the freedom, the individual, the strength of hard work, all the things that truly, we hold dear, without the rhetoric, that represents everything that we truly value.

"The country was built on these incredible ideas and they've stuck with us. But they are fundamentally being attacked by the people who have power, and the people who represent us in the government, and all under the guise, and the disguise, of 'Oh, we have a new, farm-friendly program in the government,' " Matthews said.

"Well, all those programs do is pay these giant corporate farms to be more profitable, and make it impossible for a small farmer to compete."

The result, he said, is a diminution of important national resources.

Farms are going out of business "literally by the thousands" every day, he said. "Farmers just dropping out and giving up to the wave of the future, which is a very ugly one, which is one that's also an assault on the planet.

Matthews, who owns a farm on which he raises poultry and cattle and grows vegetables that are marketed as the Best of What's Around brand, is certainly doing more than talking the talk. For years, he has joined Farm Aid founders Neil Young, Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp as a main celebrity organizer of the benefit that this year marks its 21st anniversary.

Matthews, whose annual summertime Tweeter Center concerts are invariably sold-out, said his original association with Farm Aid was inspired as much by career concerns as a desire to preserve America's small farms.

"The first time we did Farm Aid was in Kentucky, I think," he recalled. "It was probably 1993 or '94. We were just starting to ... enjoy a little bit of the limelight, and we were invited to come down."

However, Matthews wound up getting a lot more than exposure at a high-profile concert.

"I was surprised by how the sort of offensive against small farmers was really endorsed not only by corporate farmers, but was really endorsed by the government, and the use of taxpayers' money ... to really do everything you could do, without too many people noticing ... to destroy small farmers and to destroy the possibility of young, hopeful farmers ever getting the chance to get their feet in the ground," he said.

"And [to] really monopolize a huge industry into the hands of the few. The idea that we could turn it around seemed like a good cause."

The Farm Aid concept arose from 1985's Live Aid concert for African famine relief at Philadelphia's long-gone JFK Stadium.

During the set he performed with the Rolling Stones' Keith Richards and Ron Wood, Bob Dylan made a remark about helping the American family farmer who, at that time, was being threatened with extinction by the corporatization and consolidation of the agricultural industry and the rampant development of farmland.

Inspired by Dylan's suggestion, Nelson, Young and Mellencamp spearheaded the inaugural Farm Aid, which was staged six weeks later on Sept. 22, 1985, in Champagne, Ill.

Today, Farm Aid's focus is primarily on encouraging the cultivation and marketing of locally grown crops.

"Getting food that is grown locally is the best thing for you, the best thing for your children," said Young at a July press conference in Philadelphia.

At first glance, Camden, which is about as urban a center as you can find anywhere, may seem like an odd choice to host this year's edition of Farm Aid. But according to event officials, the city, located in the middle of a region with a large number of family-owned farms, is a logical site.

In addition to boasting numerous fruit- and corn-growing operations, the Delaware Valley is a center for such crops as mushrooms (Chester County, Pa.), blueberries (Hammonton) and cranberries (the Pine Barrens of Burlington County).

"Our campaign is for farmers, whether they're living on a 500-acre corn farm in Iowa or a half-acre sustainable farm in the heart of Philadelphia," said Ted Quaday, Farm Aid's program director.

While there will be a large educational component to Saturday's daylong concert, it is, first and foremost, a musical event. Joining the four headliners will be a diverse roster of acts that cuts across much of the pop music spectrum.

Among the performers scheduled are 1950s rock icon Jerry Lee Lewis (whose recently released CD, "Last Man Standing," boasts such guest collaborators as U2's Bono, Mick Jagger and Bruce Springsteen), steel guitar whiz Robert Randolph, '60s folk hero Arlo Guthrie, reggae stars Steel Pulse and even polka king Jimmy Sturr.

The Associated Press contributed to this article.

The Black Keys

DAVID POLLOCK

****

ABC, GLASGOW

NOW that Jack White seems to have put the White Stripes on indefinite hold in favour of his more traditionally numbered side project, the Raconteurs, it seems the public must look elsewhere in search of a blues-inflected rock twosome. On this evidence, the Black Keys - Dan Auerbach and Pat Carney - could make more than adequate replacements.

It's worth pointing out that this duo from Akron, Ohio, are not named as any sort of reaction to the Stripes, but rather in reference to a depressive friend's term for things which made him feel unhappy - a literal reference to the blues, then, the style which most informs their work. Like a more languid Led Zeppelin, the pair deliver strident guitar solos and thumping drums, yet only rarely do they pick up speed, generally favouring an atmospheric swagger.

Yet it's winning them fans by the bucketload. For this show the main hall in the ABC was as full as it's ever been, possibly something to do with the hirsute Keys' musical appearance in commercials and the soundtrack of Jack Black's School of Rock (said song, Set You Free, was a muscular standout here), as well as the patronage of the late John Peel, Radiohead and Robert Plant. Much like the Stripes, the album which seems set to deliver them commercial success to match their critical acclaim is not their first - this year's Magic Potion is number four - yet that means they'll already have a legacy to draw on when the world at large knows their name.

This article: http://living.scotsman.com/music.cfm?id=1439292006

Last updated: 28-Sep-06 00:50 BST

Paul Westerberg's score adds snap to animated family film 'Open Season'

BY JOHN KOSIK

Associated Press Writer

"Open Season: Featuring The Songs of Paul Westerberg"

Paul Westerberg's fans may unleash a collective groan at the notion of the singer-songwriter scoring an animated family film.

The former leader of indie-rock icons the Replacements has managed to both excite and disappoint his fans during his solo career -- and this may bring more of the same.

"Open Season" concerns the adventures of a domesticated grizzly bear and features the voice talents of Martin Lawrence, Ashton Kutcher, Debra Messing and Gary Sinise, among others.

So, how does Westerberg's music fit into all this?

As far as the film goes -- pretty well. As a worthy addition to his catalog -- it does have its moments.

Tracks such as "Meet Me in the Meadow," "All About Me," and "Love You in the Fall" have his trademark catchy hooks, and the playful sing-along lyrics will certainly entertain a family audience without betraying his overall style.

He can still pull at the heart strings with his scratchy crooning ("I Belong," "Good Day," Whisper Me Luck"), and his childlike sense of humor is alive and well on "Right to Arm Bears."

Westerberg seems to know he'll never again stand as the voice of youthful angst. With a family of his own and most Replacements fans at an age where they also have children -- he may be exactly where he's aching to be.

Kweller returns to simplicity

By Dave Marucheau, Staff Writer.

Posted September 29, 2006.

Through little snapshots that hang between the suspended chords of his music, Ben Kweller captures the disembodied emotion that we all feel but cannot express. He inexplicitly paints a picture without really saying anything at all, and he says it all at the right time.

Ben Kweller’s self-titled album has swimming piano strokes and a voice that feels refreshingly real amidst a barrage of lyrical stories. The depth and simplicity of this album is stunning. There are no exuberant gimmicks, no protruding elements to any of the songs — just pure, simple eloquence in classic Kweller fashion that conducts together in fluent congregation.

The album cover is a fitting tribute to the music inside: A vaguely overexposed portrait of Ben projected against a blank beige wall emerges from a haze of light that ripples out to the border, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. His music ripples from the core and spills onto his listener’s ears in its raw authenticity and beautiful simplicity.

Following in the legacy of his album Sha Sha, he returns to writing songs that are captivating and inviting. “Red Eye” has a haunting elegance that maintains its fragility amidst a strain of desperation encapsulated in Kweller’s voice. But this isn’t just an album about love-sick boys pining over lost girlfriends and awkward ambitions. It is a solely sophisticated Ben Kweller who takes the music where he wants and allows himself to become lost in his music as he takes you along.

“I Gotta Move” is reminiscent of “Wasted and Ready” from Sha Sha with its jam session type slacker-rock vigor that takes hold of you.

I dare you not to be nodding your head or humming the refrain when you’re strolling with your iPod in tow. Go on. I dare you.

“Thirteen” is one of the best songs on the whole album. It dances through a collage of images that are so relatable and real that it feels like a confessional of the human spirit.

The words are so beautifully sculpted that it reads like a poem.

With just the resonating key strikes of the piano and Kweller’s voice, it doesn’t need anything technical or complicated. It speaks to something that everyone can grab hold of and sink into.

“Run” is just plain awesome in true Kweller format. It has conviction and bouncing enthusiasm.

He never ceases to impress with this album, and it is a tribute to his ability to grow as a musician and a songwriter.

Kweller is a fresh breath of life into a genre of rock that is becoming saturated with “American Idol” market schemes and Frankenstein assembled face-bands.

If Kweller still makes you wanna “sha sha” every time you hear “Walk on Me,” then feel free to “sha sha” again with this absolute must-buy.

If you have never heard Kweller’s music before, then I invite you to get lost breathing in his deep frothy sounds and be inspired to never exhale again.

'I Feel Fine' compiles best of R.E.M.'s early years

By Jeremiah Tucker

Globe columnist

The first CD I ever bought was R.E.M.'s "Monster." I listened to it on my brother's Sony Discman, the only CD player we had at the time. My favorite song from the album was "Crush with Eyeliner," but I didn't know who guest vocalist Thurston Moore was (or that he was cooler than Michael Stipe).

I liked the orange, recycled paper and the blurry monster on the cover. I loved that every song was slathered in guitar. I didn't know that R.E.M. had been a band longer than I had been alive, but I liked Stipe's shirt with the simple star logo that he was always photographed wearing, and I wondered why the rest of the band looked like nerds. I never learned all the words to any of the songs. I didn't watch the videos because my family didn't have cable. I decided that R.E.M. was my favorite band. "Monster" was the only CD I owned. I was 13.

A few years later, every used CD bin in the country had umpteen copies of "Monster." Apparently, at one point everyone owned it, loved it and then sold it. I still own the album, but not the one I bought 12 years ago. That one got too scratched to play, so I bought another copy used for $4, more from a completist's desire than a love for the album. "Monster" didn't age well for me. What sounded "alternative" when I was 13 sounded unrelentingly desperate at 18. While I still like it more than "Reveal" and "Around the Sun," it's one of my least favorite R.E.M. albums.

(If you're wondering, my favorite R.E.M. albums are probably "New Adventures in Hi-Fi," "Murmur" and "Fables of the Reconstruction," an answer that immediately brings to mind Jack Black in "High Fidelity" saying, "a sly declaration of new-classic status slipped into a list of old safe-ones ... very p----.")

Depending on the day and my mood, I might still be willing to admit that R.E.M. is one of my favorite bands. If I hadn't recently seen the 46-year-old Michael Stipe with either a thick stripe of blue paint across his eyes or a dollop of rainbow accentuation across his eyelids, then the chances increase quite a bit, and if you had asked me this week when all I listened to was R.E.M.'s "And I Feel Fine, The Best of the I.R.S. Years: 1982-1987," then the chances are I would have unequivocally said, "Yes sir, that R.E.M. is a damn fine band."

I sprung for the two-disc collector's edition of "I Feel Fine" that includes an extra CD of rarities, live tracks, demos and hand-selected favorites by Stipe, Mike Mills, Peter Buck and Bill Berry. I suggest you do the same because that extra disc is just as good as the one-disc set containing the highlights - a testament to the unbridled creativity of the young R.E.M. In five fecund years, the young band from Atlanta defined college radio and made some of the best music of the decade. R.E.M.'s first five albums are of such a singular quality, it's almost forgivable to say, "I'm really only into their early stuff." Because while I like the latter-day R.E.M., there is no doubt that band lost a little of its mystique in the leap to Warner Bros.

The I.R.S. years found R.E.M. hungry but unafraid. Nothing sounded like "Radio Free Europe" when it came out and while the band was full of young college dropouts, they imbued their songs with such timeless qualities as mystery, wisdom and a regionalism that was both Southern and universal. All of these ineffable qualities might be me reading too much into affectations such as Stipe's mumble and inscrutable lyrics. But it sounds real. It sound important, and when Stipe wordlessly moans near the end of "So. Central Rain (I'm Sorry)," I'd believe anything the band is selling. Because if it's a trick, it's seamless.

Re-listening to R.E.M. this week, I was stuck by how listening to these songs back-to-back there is an overarching flatness to early R.E.M.'s sound, like some abstract painting that at first look leaves you wondering what the big deal is about. Most of it is due to the production, but it suits the band's music perfectly. It sounds measured and intentional, and it turns the songs into an epoch rather than a mere stage in the life of a band. I found myself listening for those moments in each song that are jarring, setting them apart from their equally stellar brothers and sisters, be it Stipe intoning "Fire" or the locked-in interplay of Mills and Buck on "Can't Get There from Here."

In the booklet that comes with "I Feel Fine," there is commentary on each of the songs of the bonus disc. Stipe writes that for "Gardening at Night," he was lying on a mattress he had pulled into the yard when Buck went to lie next to him, guitar in hand, and all this change tumbled out of his pocket. Stipe remarked that it was probably all the money the band had at the time. I assume that's the main difference between R.E.M. then and R.E.M. now.

As a group, what else do they have to prove? The last two albums have sounded like R.E.M. trying to be the embodiment of "R.E.M," which is understandable. What band wouldn't want to be R.E.M.?

Address correspondence to Jeremiah Tucker, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, MO 64802.

The Joke Man Returns To Stern

Longtime “Howard Stern Show” sidekick/joke writer Jackie Martling, who left the syndicated morning show around the turn of the millennium and was replaced by Artie Lange, is making his return to the Stern camp as host of “Jackie’s Joke Hunt,” premiering Tuesday (10/3) on Sirius’ Howard 101 channel.

“Jackie’s Joke Hunt” will feature Martling’s Friar’s Club brother Ian Karr, and will air from 7:00– 8:00 PM, with a critique likely the following day on the Stern show.

GSOTD: Celluloid Heroes

Click on the title to view this video

By THE KINKS

Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star,
And everybody's in movies, it doesn't matter who you are.
There are stars in every city,
In every house and on every street,
And if you walk down Hollywood Boulevard
Their names are written in concrete!

Don't step on Greta Garbo as you walk down the Boulevard,
She looks so weak and fragile that's why she tried to be so hard
But they turned her into a princess
And they sat her on a throne,
But she turned her back on stardom,
Because she wanted to be alone.

You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard,
Some that you recognise, some that you've hardly even heard of,
People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame,
Some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain.
Rudolph Valentino, looks very much alive,
And he looks up ladies' dresses as they sadly pass him by.
Avoid stepping on Bela Lugosi
'Cos he's liable to turn and bite,
But stand close by Bette Davis
Because hers was such a lonely life.
If you covered him with garbage,
George Sanders would still have style,
And if you stamped on Mickey Rooney
He would still turn round and smile,
But please don't tread on dearest Marilyn
'Cos she's not very tough,
She should have been made of iron or steel,
But she was only made of flesh and blood.

You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard,
Some that you recognise, some that you've hardly even heard of.
People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame,
Some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain.

Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star
And everybody's in show biz, it doesn't matter who you are.

And those who are successful,
Be always on your guard,
Success walks hand in hand with failure
Along Hollywood Boulevard.

I wish my life was a non-stop Hollywood movie show,
A fantasy world of celluloid villains and heroes,
Because celluloid heroes never feel any pain
And celluloid heroes never really die.

You can see all the stars as you walk along Hollywood Boulevard,
Some that you recognise, some that you've hardly even heard of,
People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame,
Some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain.

Oh celluloid heroes never feel any pain
Oh celluloid heroes never really die.

I wish my life was a non-stop Hollywood movie show,
A fantasy world of celluloid villains and heroes,
Because celluloid heroes never feel any pain
And celluloid heroes never really die.

Charts

THESE WERE ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain
in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work
her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

JOTD: A Child's Prayer

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

Thursday, September 28

ATM: The Proposition

I just watched this today. Great Movie! I had a little Apacolypse Now flashback while watching this. Check it out!

BY ROGER EBERT / May 19, 2006

"The Proposition" plays like a Western moved from Colorado to Hell. The characters are familiar: The desperado brothers, the zealous lawman, his civilized wife, the corrupt mayor, the old coots, the resentful natives. But the setting is the Outback of Australia as I have never seen it before. These spaces don't seem wide open because an oppressive sky glares down at the sullen earth; this world is sun-baked, hostile, unforgiving, and it breeds heartless men.

Have you read Blood Meridian, the novel by Cormac McCarthy? This movie comes close to realizing the vision of that dread and despairing story. The critic Harold Bloom believes no other living American novelist has written a book as strong and compares it with Faulkner and Melville, but confesses his first two attempts to read it failed, "because I flinched from the overwhelming carnage."

That book features a character known as the Judge, a tall, bald, remorseless bounty hunter who essentially wants to kill anyone he can, until he dies. His dialogue is peculiar, the speech of an educated man. "The Proposition" has such a character in an outlaw named Arthur Burns, who is much given to poetic quotations. He is played by Danny Huston in a performance of remarkable focus and savagery.

Against him is Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone), who is not precisely a sheriff since this land is not precisely a place where the law exists. He is more of an Ahab, obsessed with tracking down Arthur Burns and his brothers Charlie (Guy Pearce) and Mike (Richard Wilson). They are not merely outlaws, desperados, villains, but dedicated to evil for its own sake, and the film opens with a photograph labeled "Scene of the Hopkins Outrage." The Burns boys murdered the Hopkins family, pregnant wife and all, perhaps more for entertainment than gain.

Ray Winstone, who often plays villains, is one of the best actors now at work in movies (see him in "Sexy Beast," "Ripley's Game," "Last Orders"). Here he plays a man who would be fearsome enough in an ordinary land, but pales before the malevolence of the Burns brothers. He lives with Martha (Emily Watson), his fragrant wife from England, who fences off a portion of wilderness, calls it their lawn, plants rose bushes there, serves him his breakfast egg and behaves, as colonial women did in Victorian times, as if still at "home."

"I will civilize this land," Captain Stanley says. In the 1880s, it is an achievement as likely as Ahab capturing the whale. He is able to capture Charlie and Mike Burns: Mike, a youth like the Kid in Blood Meridian, still half-formed but schooled only in desperation, and Charlie, an inward, brooding, damaged man whose feelings are as instinctive as a kicked dog. The Captain is not happy with his prisoners, because he lacks the real prize. He makes a proposition to Charlie. If Charlie tracks and kills his brother Arthur, the Captain will spare both Charlie and Mike.

Charlie sets off on this mission. He feels no particular filial love for Arthur; they are bonded mostly by mutual hatred of others. The Captain himself ventures out on the trail, finding such settlers as have chosen to live in exile and punishment. The most colorful -- no, "colorful" is not a word for this movie -- the most gnarled and cured by the sun is Jellon Lamb, played by John Hurt as if he is made of jerky.

Why do you want to see this movie? Perhaps you don't. Perhaps, like Bloom, it will take you more than one try to face the carnage. But the director John Hillcoat, working from a screenplay by Nick Cave, has made a movie you cannot turn away from; it is so pitiless and uncompromising, so filled with pathos and disregarded innocence, that it is a record of those things we pray to be delivered from. The actors invest their characters with human details all the scarier because they scarcely seem human themselves. In what place within Arthur Burns does poetry reside? What does he feel as he quotes it? What does Martha, the Emily Watson character, really think as she uncrates a Christmas tree she has had shipped in from another lifetime? If Captain Stanley is as tender toward her as he seems, why has he brought her to live in these badlands?

What of the land itself? There is a sense of palpable fear of the Outback in many Australian films, from "Walkabout" to "Japanese Story," not neglecting the tamer landscapes in "Picnic at Hanging Rock." There is the sense that spaces there are too empty to admit human content.

There are times in "The Proposition" when you think the characters might abandon their human concerns and simply flee from the land itself.

And what of the aborigines, who inhabit this landscape more or less invisibly, and have their own treaty with it? The Stanleys have a house servant named Two Bob, played by Tommy Lewis, who sizes up the situation and walks away one day, carefully removing his shoes, which remain in the garden.

GSOTD: Waterloo Sunset

Click on the title to view this video.

By THE KINKS

Dirty old river, must you keep rolling
Flowing into the night
People so busy, makes me feel dizzy
Taxi light shines so bright
But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is evening time
Waterloo sunset's fine

Terry meets Julie, Waterloo Station
Every Friday night
But I am so lazy, don't want to wander
I stay at home at night
But I don't feel afraid
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is evening time
Waterloo sunset's fine

Millions of people swarming like flies 'round Waterloo underground
But Terry and Julie cross over the river
Where they feel safe and sound
And they don't need no friends
As long as they gaze on Waterloo sunset
They are in paradise

Waterloo sunset's fine

BARAT AND DOHERTY'S POVERTY APARTMENT

British rocker CARL BARAT once shared an apartment with PETE DOHERTY that was so small, they could only enter through a broken window. The DIRTY PRETTY THINGS frontman writes about the tiny north London apartment he shared with his ex-LIBERTINES bandmate Doherty in the 2006 NME Student Guide. He says, "I was sharing rooms in shared houses with my old best mate, but the first time I lived with Peter was in a place on Camden Road called Delaney Mansion. It was GBP60 a week for a sixties bedsit and the only access was through a back window - and it was broken. "Me and Pete slept top-to-tail on a single mattress."

JOTD: Blonde in a Car

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''

''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.

Wednesday, September 27

GSOTD: I'm Not Like Everybody Else

Click on the title to view this video.

By RAY DAVIES

I won't take all that they hand me down,
And make out a smile, though I wear a frown,
And I won't take it all lying down,
'Cause once I get started I go to town.

'Cause I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

And I don't want to ball about like everybody else,
And I don't want to live my life like everybody else,
And I won't say that I feel fine like everybody else,
'Cause I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

But darling, you know that I love you true,
Do anything that you want me to,
Confess all my sins like you want me to,
There's one thing that I will say to you,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else
And I don't want to ball about like everybody else,
And I don't want to live my life like everybody else,
And I won't say that I feel fine like everybody else,
'Cause I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else,
Like everybody else.

If you all want me to settle down,
Slow up and stop all my running 'round,
Do everything like you want me to,
There's one thing that I will say to you,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.
And I don't want to ball about like everybody else,
And I don't want to live my life like everybody else,
And I won't say that I feel fine like everybody else,
'Cause I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else.

Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else (like everybody else),
Like everybody else.

The More You Know

Some interesting hints and stuff to know about. Especially the thing about bread at the bottom.

THINGS TO KNOW

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair.

2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish

3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes

4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair

5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any

6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea

7. Sunburn - empty a large size Nestea into your bath water

8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste

9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!

10. Arthritis WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too

11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer

12. Chigger bite - Preparation H

13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H

14. Paper cut - crazy glue or Chap Stick (glue is used instead of suture at most hospitals)

15. Stinky feet - Jello!

16. Athletes feet - cornstarch

17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub

18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)

19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!

20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper

21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray

22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands!? Keep a can in your garage for your hubby

23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls

24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on

25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!

26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!

27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak

28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia , soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!

29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!

30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste

31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.

32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.

33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!

34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!

35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!

36. Dirty grout - Listerine

37. Stains on clothes - Colgate

38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup

39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!

40. Fleas in your carpet 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.

41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox! , or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.

42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Each day has a different color twist tie. They are:

Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red Friday = White and Saturday = Yellow.
So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Sat urday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Pass this information on to friends so they can be informed also

Computer Skills

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point t. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

JOTD: Famous George W. Quotes

"I believe Men and Fish can coexist together peacefully."

"I support Latino owned businesses, women owned businesses, and every other kind of person owned businesses."

Tuesday, September 26

GSOTD: Lola

Click on the title to view this video

By THE KINKS

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola [LP version:
Coca-Cola]
C-O-L-A cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a DARK BROWN voice she said Lola
L-O-L-A Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said little boy won't you come home with me
Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except my Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said little boy I'm gonna make you a man

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Bitches and Ho's Review

"Bitches and Ho's" assembled by High Life

1) Eleanor Rigby - Aretha Franklin: Very cool rendition of this Beatles classic. Every time I hear Urethra sing, I think of the Blues Brothers movie. Damn! Now, I have to rent it. Thanks High Life.

2) Tide is High - Blondie: I forgot I actually like Blondie music. This song had to have been an aberration during the midst of the Punk rock scene where Blondie was spawned. Can you believe this band was a mainstay at CBGB's?

3) Sweetest Sin - Jessica Simpson: Bubble gum pop. Not my thing. She is easy on the eyes, though....and not a bad Daisy Duke in her Daisy Dukes. Didn't Johnny Knoxville tap that?

4) Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple: Cool voice. Even cooler after her meltdown on stage a few years ago. In the team photo for great piano chicks, although Amanda Palmer from the Dresden Dolls kicks her ass.

5) Goodnight & Go - Imogen Heap: Never heard of her/this group before. Not bad, though. Sounds like a British group. Reminds me of someone but I can't put my finger on it.

6) Ladyfingers - Luscious Jackson: I saw Luscious Jackson open up for R.E.M. on their Monster Tour. They were pretty good. They rocked a lot harder than one would expect.

7) My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow: Did she marry Lance Armstrong? I can never remember. I saw her back in Chicago/Rosemont right before I moved to Arizona. I don't remember much of the show.

8) All That I Can Say - Mary J. Blige: I can honestly say that up until now I had never heard a Mary J. Blige song. I thought she was more hip-hop than soul. As a stand alone song, I wouldn't listen - but in the context of this compilation, it works.

9) I Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin: Wow, two Urethra songs. Not my favorite but not bad. Wasn't this song played in one of those Julia Robert's chick flix I was forced to see during my dating days? The real cool thing about Urethra songs is they aren't too long. Nobody wants to hear Urethra cover American Pie for 45 minutes.

10) You're Not Alone - Olive: Reminds me of an outtake from the Trainspotting soundtrack. I'm not saying this make one want to do Heroin....but it could easily fit with the other tracks from that GREAT movie!!!

11) Hide & Seek - Imogen Heap: Is she the daughter of Uriah Heap? Two selections on one compilation? I guess Imogen is in Urethra's category according to High Life. I like the weird-ass sound of this song. It sounds warped - yet kind of smooth.

12) In the Waiting Line - Zero 7: Damn! Another band I've never heard of. I guess I'm out of touch with chick singers. I'm getting kind of a ,pre-Paul Simon. Edie Brickell vibe here.

13) Midnight - Yaz: I always thought the lead singer of Yaz was some gay dude from England. Turns out it was a lady. Who would have thunk it that voice was from Allison Moyet. I'm not much into the over-synthesized songs but this is still a cool flashback.

14) Stranger Than Pride - Sade: Jazzy! Why the can't she phonetically spell her name? Sade is not pronounced S-H-A-R-D-A-Y. Is that Richard Marx singing backup? He rules the David Hasselhoff-esque circles of pop music fans.

15) Talk of the Town - The Pretenders: I always thought Chrissie Hynde looked like a dude in drag. Here's another band, like Blondie that I like more than I'd ever admit. Good song - better choice than Brass in Pocket.

16) Home - Sheryl Crow: I don't think I've ever heard this song. Apparently she's singing about home, or going home or finding a home. Something like that!

All in all, this is a very solid effort from the first lady to every create a POLYESTER ICONZ compilation. We'll have to see what the other ladies bring to the table when their time of the month...I mean month gets here. If anyone has comments to add about this compilation, please send an email to guntarski.iconz@blogger.com and they will be posted to the blog.

Enjoy

Guntarski
http://polyestericonz.blogspot.com

JOTD: Not Jewish

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup

The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?

Monday, September 25

GSOTD: Sunny Afternoon

By THE KINKS

The tax man's taken all my dough,
And left me in my stately home,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
And I can't sail my yacht,
He's taken everything I've got,
All I've got's this sunny afternoon.

Save me, save me, save me from this squeeze.
I got a big fat mama trying to break me.
And I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime

My girlfriend's run off with my car,
And gone back to her ma and pa,
Telling tales of drunkenness and cruelty.
Now I'm sitting here,
Sipping at my ice cold beer,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.

Help me, help me, help me sail away,
Well give me two good reasons why I oughta stay.
'Cause I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime

Ah, save me, save me, save me from this squeeze.
I got a big fat mama trying to break me.
And I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime

Struggling Blockbuster Eliminates Rental Fees

September 25, 2006 | Issue 42*39

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL-Blockbuster, the flagging video-store giant that has recently resorted to eliminating late fees and waiving replacement fines for lost or damaged movies, announced Monday that it would also be doing away with its long-standing rental charges in an attempt to stay competitive in the ever-changing home-video business.

According to press releases, Blockbuster's new nationwide program, "The End Of Fees," promoted using $7 million of the company's last remaining $10 million, will eliminate all costs associated with DVD rentals as well as per-unit charges for its video games, snacks, carbonated drinks, gumball machines, promotional cardboard standees, and literally anything else a customer comes across at one of its thousands of nationwide locations.

"I'm proud to announce that, starting Oct. 1, Blockbuster customers will be able to take home the hottest new releases for as little as the price of absolutely nothing," said Blockbuster Vice President of Marketing Patricia Waters, whose company's stock dropped nearly 50 percent last year against "On Demand" digital cable and by-mail movie services such as Netflix. "At Blockbuster, the movie-viewing experience has never been more affordable."

"Why rent from anywhere else?" Waters added. "Seriously, let us know of any reasons you may still have for not renting from us, and we'll remedy them immediately. Immediately."

While two pieces of identification, a valid credit card, and proof of residence were previously required to open an account at the store, customers will now only need to walk through the door of any franchise location, whether by accident or not, and make brief eye contact with an employee to qualify for membership.

Lifting a bullhorn to her lips, Waters added that customers would also be automatically enrolled in the Rewards Membership program allowing them to take part in countless in-store promotions for "only $0.00 more."

Customers taking advantage of the new 50-movies-a-night policy.
"We invite all customers to sign on for a free trial of our Rewards plan, and receive an instant upgrade, at no additional cost, to Gold Rewards status," Waters said.

Under the Gold Rewards Membership, customers can rent up to 50 movies at once as well as be driven home by Blockbuster chauffeurs, who will also install a brand-new 32-inch flat-screen TV upon the first rental.

"Please, we're just asking for one more chance," added Waters as she dropped to her knees and extended her arms out to the assembled crowd.

Blockbuster, which was forced to lay off nearly one-third of its workforce earlier this year, is hoping the addition of 3,000 new locations will help spark a bump in sales. They also plan to unveil new promotions, including a company pledge to go out and purchase, on the spot, any movie customers cannot find on their shelves, as well as a new policy allowing customers to keep rented material for seven years, and up to 12 if it is not a new release.

"We here at Blockbuster, at least those of us left, are deeply committed to providing customers with the ease and flexibility they deserve," Blockbuster CEO and part-time bartender Jeffrey Antiano said. "That's why we're installing our handy 'Quick-Drop Bins' next to the mailboxes of nearly 10 million homes."

"And if that's not enough-which many of us fear may be the case-as a special introductory offer, cancel your membership with Netflix anytime in the next three months and we'll do literally anything you ask of us," Antiano added. "We mean it."

Barron's financial reporter Steven Hirsch said that though the new plan is risky, even getting curious potential renters in the door could double the company's 2005 profits "just from the loose change that may drop out of customers' pockets."

Miami resident Scott Patterson, however, was only one of many consumers who said they were unimpressed with Blockbuster's new offers, including "Two-Dollar Tuesdays," in which customers are handed $2 cash for every new release they rent.

"I don't know," Patterson said. "Something about that place just rubs me the wrong way."

(c) Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

JOTD: Current Administration

Q: Why are people so scared about the current administration?


A: Because we're being ruled by a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin.

Polyester Iconz: September 2006

The September CD is completed....and this one actually includes hand-drawn cover art....and a set list (novel idea, huh Adam?). Anyway, the list has grown by leaps and bounds so much so that we now have 13 members (at this point Jody is laughing like butthead). Speaking of Jody, she will be mailing the disc out in the next day or so. Next up is Ana "No Mas" Frias!

Here's a full list of participants:

1) Adam "Hanna" Barbera
2) Berzerker Dan
3) M. Sevchik
4) N. Harris
5) Guntarski
6) T. Jones
7) B. Pampanin
8) A. Frias
9) J. Miller
10) Love Pickle
11) Fish-A-Palooza
12) CC
13) Emmet

As for the first annual X-Mas throwdown, so far Berzerker, Guntarski and Sevchik are in for sure. Looking for a few more. To see the schedule for the remainder of the year, go to www.polyestericonz.blogspot.com and check out the sidebar. Artist of the week = The Kinks!

Sunday, September 24

Kate Moss To Marry Pete Doherty 'Within Weeks' After his rehab success...

Supermodel Kate Moss will wed her rocker boyfriend Pete Doherty "within weeks" after accepting a marriage proposal in a rehab clinic.

The Babyshambles singer has been battling a long-standing addiction to crack cocaine and heroin in the Priory Clinic, London, but is preparing to leave the facility after his on-off partner said yes to marriage on Wednesday.

A source tells the Sunday Mirror, "Pete had been looking like the cat who had got the cream after Kate's visit. Then he told some of the staff that he had proposed to Kate and she had said yes.

"He said they wanted to tie the knot as soon as possible. He told a staff member, 'We will run away together to somewhere where no one can find us and then we'll get married.'

"Pete insisted they won't have a big wedding, although he said Kate will want her mum to be there."

The source also reports Doherty has made massive progress at the Priory - which has convinced Moss to give him another chance.

They explain, "In counseling sessions he has said things that show he knows what he needs to do - stop taking drugs and seek help as soon as feels the urge to do so.

"Kate has been so impressed with that attitude. She has always loved him but just needed him to straighten up. Now there's nothing to stop them marrying."

Nirvana's Live! Tonight! Sold Out!! to transfer to DVD

Nirvana's 1994 video, Live! Tonight! Sold Out!, originally released just after the death of the band's singer Kurt Cobain, is to finally be made available on DVD.

The release equals the band's first-ever DVD. The film follows the band during the explosion of their Nevermind album, and includes UK television appearances on The Last Resort and Top Of The Pops.

The audio's been remastered, if you're bothered by that sort of thing. So far as bonus features go... we don't know. The DVD is expected to be released on November 13

Family Guy: The Passion of the Christ II

Family Guy: Homosexuals and You

Family Guy: Take on Me

The Office: Drug Testing

The Office: AIDS

The Office: Up Dawg

The Office: David Brent Dance

Saturday, September 23

GSOTD: Apeman



By THE KINKS

I think I'm sophisticated
'Cos I'm living my life like a good homosapien
But all around me everybody's multiplying
Till they're walking round like flies man
So I'm no better than the animals sitting in their cages
in the zoo man
'Cos compared to the flowers and the birds and the trees
I am an ape man
I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized
'Cos I'm a strict vegetarian
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation
And the crazy politicians
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an ape man
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man
I'm an ape man I'm a King Kong man I'm ape ape man
I'm an ape man
'Cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky
compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies
I am an ape man
In man's evolution he has created the cities and
the motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance
and I'd be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle
'Cos the only time that I feel at ease
Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree
Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man
I'm an ape, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I look out my window, but I can't see the sky
'Cos the air pollution is
fogging up my eyes
I want to get out of this city alive
And make like an ape man
Come and love me, be my ape man girl
And we will be so happy in my ape man world
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I'll be your Tarzan, you'll be my Jane
I'll keep you warm and you'll keep me sane
and we'll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day
Just like an ape man
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man.
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an ape man.

The Office: Ebonics

Deadpan humor is the Norm

'SNL' alum Macdonald, who has a new CD out, will perform in Anaheim.

By KELLI SKYE FADROSKI

The Orange County Register

Norm Macdonald is a simple man. He's an intellectual comedian who lives a potentially risk-free life. He doesn't own a computer or drive a car. He gets his yearly checkup, would rather read a book than watch the nightly news, and watches the John Candy/Steve Martin comedy "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" about once a week.

Macdonald, who performs tonight at the Grove of Anaheim, is most famous for his time spent on "Saturday Night Live." On the show, one of Macdonald's many hats was that of the fake news anchor on "Weekend Update" from 1993 to '97. He wrote his own lines and if the audience wasn't laughing, he would give them his famous "audience stare down."

"Who knew if it was funny more?" Macdonald said. "A professional comedian or a bunch of popcorn eaters?"

Macdonald, 42, has made a name for himself in show business not only as an actor, but as a writer, producer and a stand-up comedian. He began his career doing stand-up in nightclubs in his Canadian hometown of Quebec City. He then moved to Los Angeles where he wrote for the hit sitcom "Rosanne."

Although Macdonald has appeared in many of his buddies' films – "Billy Madison," "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" and "The Animal" – he's also had starring roles in "Dirty Work," which was written by Macdonald and directed by fellow comedian Bob Saget, and in "Screwed" alongside Dave Chappelle and Danny DeVito. He also starred in his own network sitcom, "The Norm Show" with "Rosanne's" Laurie Metcalf.

Macdonald doesn't really consider himself an "actor" and prefers doing stand-up by "about a million miles" to anything else on his résumé. He's a comedy writer above all and doesn't even type out his material – he writes it longhand on yellow legal tablets.

He released his first sketch-comedy album, appropriately titled "Ridiculous," on Sept. 12. In his modesty, Macdonald casually mentioned that a "few buddies" helped him out on his album. They include Will Ferrell in a hilarious skit that takes the theme of "Brokeback Mountain" and turns it into a comedy.

Molly Shannon appears on the disc as a psych patient with multiple personalities, some of them dirtier than others. Tim Meadows, Steve Higgins, Artie Lange and Lori Jo Hoekstra also contribute to the album.

Since the album's release, Macdonald has a full schedule of television and radio appearances. Although he will be in New York City doing publicity, he won't be stopping by "The View." Macdonald visited the set in 2003 and after a few "political" cracks, the ladies from "The View" were not happy with him. Now that Rosie O'Donnell has joined the show, he's definitely not planning on making an appearance.

"She hates my guts," Macdonald said. "When I was on 'Update' I made some joke about her show because she kept saying how different it would be, and I said it was because she planned on eating all of her guests."

Don't expect Macdonald to get political during his stand-up gigs; he's got a lot of other things on his mind, like the death of nature-show host Steve Irwin.

"Lately I've been thinking about the crocodile hunter because it makes me laugh that people are so shocked that the crocodile hunter got killed," Macdonald said. "The man's a crocodile hunter, you know what I mean? Oh, he's 44 years old? To me, that's a very long life if you're a crocodile hunter."

Macdonald is known for his deadpan delivery and dirty jokes. He grew up watching Johnny Carson and wondered why his hero would sometimes "make up" for a bad joke. Macdonald's not immune to the "failed" joke and the blank stare of an audience.

"It doesn't faze me a bit really, it often happens," Macdonald said. "I laugh when I'm bombing. If you go up to make people laugh and your job is to make them laugh, and then they don't laugh, I find that funny. That makes me laugh and then they hate me. I'm laughing and they're not, which is the exact opposite of what they paid for."

Macdonald was granted the freedom of writing his own material on "Saturday Night Live" and he created the "Jeopardy" sketches that featured Macdonald as his favorite celebrity to impersonate, Burt Reynolds.

"It's funny because they wanted me to do like Burt Reynolds now, but I did Burt from the '70s because that's when I liked him the most," Macdonald said. "I talked to him and that was the biggest thrill of my life because I love that guy. He thought the impression was funny and he wanted to come on the show and punch me in the face. That would be hilarious, but then I got fired and we couldn't do it."

Don Ohlmeyer, then the head of programming at NBC, ordered that Macdonald be fired in 1998 because he wasn't funny. Macdonald misses his time on "SNL" and said he would have done the show forever if they would have let him. Macdonald met some of his best buddies on the show – Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Rob Schneider – and has great memories of the late Chris Farley.

"I was very good friends with Chris Farley, who was probably the funniest guy I ever met," Macdonald said. "He was so funny that it was almost impossible to be in a scene with him. He was the guy that could make dumb people laugh, smart people laugh, old people laugh, and young people laugh. It didn't matter. He even made people that didn't like him laugh. Wherever he was that was his sole purpose, to make people laugh."

In his downtime Macdonald is a family man. He likes spending time with his 11-year-old son and his cat appropriately named Kitty. He's done a few family-friendly movie and TV voice-overs on "Fairly Odd Parents," "Family Guy" and the "Dr. Doolittle" movie trilogy, just to prove to his son – who can't hear his dad's stand-up yet – that his father is really in show business and not just "some guy that writes on a yellow legal pad all day."

Macdonald will be in an upcoming animated movie directed by Bob Saget called "Farce of the Penguins." The film is an animated parody of the documentary "March of the Penguins." Although Macdonald never saw the documentary, he was impressed with the cast that Saget had rounded up, including Lewis Black, Dane Cook, James Belushi, Carlos Mencia, Samuel L. Jackson, Jason Alexander and many others.

"I like Saget," Macdonald said. "Somehow he got like hundreds of famous people to do (voice-overs). I went into the studio and did lines for 'Farce of the Penguins.' This is what my movie career has come to."

CONTACT US: kfadroski@ocregister.com

Kurt Cobain turned down ‘Pulp Fiction’ role

London, Sept 21: Late rocker Kurt Cobain had turned down a small role in the cult 90s movie ‘Pulp Fiction’, according to his wife Courtney Love.

The Nirvana frontman was approached by director Quentin Tarantino to appear alongside Love in the 1994 movie.

Cobain would have starred as a drug dealer, while Love would have played his heavily-pierced girlfriend. The roles were eventually taken by Eric Stoltz and Rosanna Arquette.

"If Kurt had survived we`d be taking private jets by now. He`d have loved that," the Sun quoted Love as saying.

Kurt Donald Cobain, the leader of Nirvana, the multi-platinum band that redefined the sound of the nineties was found dead in 1994 at his Seattle home with a shotgun wound to his head and three times the lethal amount of heroin in his system. It is still being debated whether it was a murder or a suicide.

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