JOTD: Scottie Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"

GSOTD: Joppa Road

By WEEN

How would you feel, if i took you away
To a place i know, a place where we could stay
Called joppa road, a pretty place i know
Where we can go, called joppa road

The things i feel on joppa road
Can make me stay, and make me go
This old road where i long to go
Called joppa road, where we can go

Put your best dress on, there's a place i know
Where we can go, called joppa road
It's a little ways where the sun shines down
Where we drive real slow, on joppa road

Joppa road, a pretty place i know
Where we can go, called joppa road

Hey, yo bro, that's a dude i know
Works on joppa road, at the sunoco
If we drive by slow, with the top down low
We'll heel and toe on joppa road

(repeat first verse)

It's a little ways where the sun shines down
Where we drive real slow on joppa road
On joppa road, joppa road

Baby, you look great today

(repeat first verse)

ATM: Running With Scissors

I was told to check out this book. I took the lazy way out as I was in the middle of three other books. The movie was very good but now I have to get the book....after I finish the next Dexter novel. (Guntarski)

Based on the memoir Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs, the film is a semi-autobiographical account of Burroughs' childhood. His mother (a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton) gave him away to be raised by her unorthodox psychiatrist, Dr. Finch, an eccentric man with an eccentric family.

At the age of twelve, Burroughs found himself in Victorian squalor living with the doctor’s bizarre family and befriending Neil Bookman, Finch's 33-year-old adopted son. The two soon begin an open and consensual sexual relationship.

The story is one of an outlaw childhood where rules were unheard of, and the Christmas tree stayed up all year round, where Valium was consumed like candy, and if things got dull an electroshock-therapy machine could provide entertainment.

The film diverges from the book in several important respects. A key aspect of the book is the narrator's progress through adolescence, but the film has one actor, Joseph Cross (age 19), who plays the central role throughout most of the movie, including scenes where the character is age 12 or 13. The movie shies away from many of the sexual aspects of the book. The nature of Augusten's first sexual episode with Bookman is different (the film does not portray it as a rape as the book does), the nature of Augusten's discovery of his mother's lesbianism is changed (this is presented in the film as the discovery of her kissing her lover, but in the book he walks in on them engaged in cunnilingus), and the allegation of Dr. Finch's rape of Deirdre is transformed into an embezzlement of money. On balance this gives the movie more of a PG-13 feel than the book would seem to warrant and substantially alters the forces that shaped the writer. The character of Bookman also takes on a dangerous element in the film that he lacks in the book (at the end of the movie he is shown hovering over a sleeping Dr. Finch with a pair of scissors, but this does not occur in the book). Moreover, the film glosses over and/or distorts much of the book's philosophy. For example, the film has Augusten state that life is "just a series of surprises," whereas in the book he has a somewhat bleaker yet more comical tone: "Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity."

http://en.wikipedia.org

JOTD: A Nutty Game

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!"

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, "Well... everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'"

GSOTD: Reggaejunkiejew

By WEEN

i don't know where you're comin' from
but i wish you'd go away
i don't know where you got your money from
but i wish i didn't have to be the one to pay
and i'm not sure how to say this
but i seal it with a kiss
do up a bag and drop dead motherfucker
so i can hang out with chris

what can u do
when your world's been invaded
by a reggaejunkiejew
what can u do
when the things that made u happy
only make you blue

take a permanent vacation
get the fuck out of town
go see Jamaica motherfucker
let your dreadlocks down
all that u speak is bullshit
and all the people u know
maybe some people like to eat it
i think you're a dick

MATZOFARIAN
REGGAEJUNKIEJEW

GSOTD: Buenos Tardes Amigo

By Ween

Buenas tardes amigo
Hola, my good friend
Cinco de Mayo's on Tuesday
And I hoped we'd see each other again

You killed my brother last winter
You shot him three times in the back
In the night I still hear mama weeping
Oh mama, still dresses in black

I looked at every fiesta
For you I wanted to greet
Maybe I'd sell you a chicken
With poison interlaced with the meat

You... you look like my brother
Mama loved him the best
He was head honcho with the ladies
Mama always said he was blessed

The village all gathered around him
They couldn't believe what they saw
I said it was you that had killed him
And that I'd find you and upstand the law

The people of the village believed me
Mama... she wanted revenge
I told her I'd see that she was honored
I'd find you and put you to death

So now... now that I've found you
On this such a joyous day
I tell you it was me who killed him
But the truth I'll never have to say

Buenas tardes amigo
Hola, my good friend
Cinco de Mayo's on Tuesday
And I hoped we'd see each other again
Yes, I hoped we'd see each other again
I hoped we'd see each other again

Ween Posters

Ween Cover Art

GSOTD: Voodoo Lady

By WEEN

Voodoo Lady
Shakin' that stick and drivin' me crazy
Your eyes look red and hazy
Doin' that stuff that you do
Messin' me up with your voodoo

You drive me crazy with that
Boogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie
You drive me crazy with that
Boogie boogie boogie

Your lips are hot and spicy
Servin' up red beans and rice
At midnite she's a-howlin' and stompin'
Makin' love to the gators in the swampin'

[chorus]

I feel you now inside me
Never once did you deny me
Doin' that stuff that you do
Knockin' me out with your voodoo

(Repeat Chorus)

Voodoo lady, shakin' that stick, drivin' me crazy
Voodoo lady, oh yeah

Boogie boogie boogie boogie
[repeats]

(Repeat first verse)
(Repeat Chorus)

GAOTW: Ween

Ween is an alternative rock group formed in 1984 in New Hope, Pennsylvania when Aaron Freeman and Mickey Melchiondo met in an eighth grade typing class. The pair became known as Gene and Dean Ween, respectively. Thousands of home recordings later, Ween collected a large underground fanbase despite being generally unknown in pop music.

Their earliest home recordings were anarchic and free-spirited, drawing on influences as far-reaching as Syd Barrett, The Beatles, Queen, Prince, Butthole Surfers, The Residents and the lo-fi punk movement. They self-released 5 cassettes in the late eighties; The Crucial Squeegie Lip, Axis: Bold As Boognish, Erica Peterson's Flaming Crib Death, The Live Brain Wedgie/WAD, and Prime 5. Around this time, Gene also released his own tape, Synthetic Socks, which featured Dean on a few songs. Ween was often compared in their early years to other offbeat artists such as Frank Zappa and Primus though they would always eschew such comparisons. Ween's public debut was a Purple Haze cover closing a 1987 talent show; the piece featured a solo, stand-up, acoustic bass and Chrissy Serino on drums.

Ween was signed to Twin/Tone Records in 1989 and released their first album GodWeenSatan: The Oneness in the following year, a 26-track smorgasbord of genre jumping and wild, silly eclecticism. 1991's The Pod became a fast fan favorite, as the duo's use of drum machines, pitch-tweaked guitars & vocals and drug-laced humor became a trademark part of their sound. The Pod, according to Ween-lore, was written under the influence of Scotchgard, but this was later refuted by Gene and Dean themselves as being "the most slime-bag thing we could think of." The contraption on the album cover is not a Scotchgard inhalation device, but a bong-like device used to send Marijuana directly to the brain by use of nitrous oxide, which was said to leave the user intoxicated for days, but nauseated. The cover of The Pod resembles the cover of the 1975 Leonard Cohen album, The Best of Leonard Cohen, but with Mean Ween (friend Chris Williams) wearing the aforementioned gas mask bong in place of Cohen.

Pure Guava, the first of a series of releases on the Elektra label, featured their highest charting single, "Push Th' Little Daisies" (1992) which gained them media & MTV attention, as the video was a highlighted target on MTV's Beavis & Butt-head. Chocolate and Cheese followed in 1994, heralding 70s pop/rock & soul sendups such as "Freedom of '76" and "Voodoo Lady". The "Freedom of '76" music video was directed by Spike Jonze. At this time, Ween began to expand their live and studio line-up, providing both a crisper production sound in the studio and an easier live setup (up until this time, Ween had been using DAT tapes to provide backings for their songs).

Ween turned to Nashville, Tennessee studio musicians for the recording of the authentically-spirited 12 Golden Country Greats (1996) which only contained ten tracks. There are two theories regarding the title of the album. The first claim is that it refers to the dozen veteran musicians, known as The Shit Creek Boys, who played on the album. The second claim refers to the fact that the band did indeed record twelve songs during the demo sessions for the album. When it came time to record the actual album, the band chose not to use two of the songs but also decided not to change the album title. The two removed songs were titled "I Got No Darkside" and "So Long, Jerry." "So Long, Jerry" did wind up as a B-Side on the "Piss Up A Rope" single.

The nautically-themed The Mollusk followed in 1997, featuring Ween's simultaneous satirization, deconstruction, and appreciative mastery of genres including 1960's Brit-pop, sea shanties, Broadway show tunes, and most especially, progressive rock. Their desire to pursue alternate forms of media led to the MP3-only release Craters of the Sac (1999), presented by Dean for online download and free trade. Elektra Records released a live compilation entitled Paintin' The Town Brown: Ween Live 1990-1998 in 1999, followed by White Pepper (2000), their pop-themed album and final studio set for Elektra. The track "Even If You Don't" was made into a music video directed by the creators of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Shortly after White Pepper Ween started the internet radiostation WeenRadio, which was awarded 3rd best internet music site by Rolling Stone[citation needed].

Ween also formed their own label at this time, Chocodog Records, which oversaw the release of several self-produced live sets. The aforementioned Paintin' the Town Brown, which was compiled and mastered by the band, was meant to be the first Chocodog release. According to Dean Ween, once the album was completed, Elektra realized the sales potential of the CD and denied Ween the right to release it through Chocodog. Later, Ween released the first official Chocodog album, Live in Toronto (a live recording from the 1996 tour, in which Ween performed with The Shit Creek Boys). The limited-pressing CD, available exclusively through the band website, became an instant collector's item. Subsequent Chocodog releases (Live at Stubb's and All Request Live) were produced in higher volumes to meet demand. In 2005, the label released the first installment of a rarity compilation series entitled Shinola, and announced plans to re-release the 1987 cassette tape by Gene, Synthetic Socks.

The two signed to Sanctuary Records in 2003 and released Quebec, their first studio set in 3 years. In 2004, Ween released Live in Chicago, a DVD and CD set that chronicled a compilation of three energetic live performances for which the group is known.

In 2005 they released Shinola, Vol. 1 a collection of outtakes which received some positive press, especially in Europe[citation needed], which was followed up by two singles taken from the album, Monique The Freak and Gabrielle (2006).

In February of 2006, they rented an old farmhouse and converted it into a working studio. After writing over 50 songs and recording rough versions through 2006, they picked through them, and, with Andrew Weiss as producer, re-recorded album versions. As of March 2007, they are recording final versions of what they have said to be about 20 songs. On May 22, 2007 they announced they will be releasing an EP intitled "The Friends EP" on June 8th. Dean Ween said the EP will be "The ultimate party record, filled with good beats and good times. Perfect for your barbecue or doing bong hits or whatever it is that you guys do." And also they announced the new album--entitled "La Cucaracha"-- will be released in the Fall.

Ween has participated in various outside collaborations over the years. The band joined members of Japanese group Boredoms to form noise rock group Z-Rock Hawaii, and Dean is also a member of heavy metal side project Moistboyz. Ween's songs are used in several film soundtracks, including The X-Files, Beautiful Girls, Mallrats, Dude, Where's My Car? and Road Trip, and on television they have contributed to SpongeBob SquarePants ('Ocean Man' and a song about tying shoes "Loop de Loop") and Grounded for Life (the theme song). The team recorded The Shot Heard 'Round the World for a 1996 tribute album of classic School House Rock ditties with the likes of Better than Ezra, Blind Melon, and Moby.

The band has also made several on-screen appearances, including performing on Letterman, in puppet form on Crank Yankers, as part of Chef Aid in South Park, and on film as themselves in It's Pat.

Dean made significant contributions to two projects by his friend Josh Homme: The Desert Sessions and Queens of the Stone Age. On the critically successful 2002 Homme album Songs for the Deaf, Dean played guitar on "Mosquito Song", "Gonna Leave You", and "Six Shooter".

In 2002, the advertising agency for Pizza Hut approached the duo to record a promotional jingle, which resulted in a 30-second recording of "Where'd the Cheese Go?". It epitomized Ween-style irreverence but did not appeal to the agency, and Pizza Hut rejected several versions of the song outright. True to form (and somewhat indignant), Ween rerecorded the same song with new lyrics as "Where'd the Motherfuckin' Cheese Go At?". Both versions are available here.

In 2003, "Ocean Man" from The Mollusk reappeared on television when Honda used the song in an advertisement for its 2004 Civic Coupe.

In 2005, "Oh My Dear (Falling in Love)", from The Pod, appeared in the film The Motel as the title song. It also became the DVD Menu song for the film once it was released on DVD.

In 2007, "It's Gonna Be A Long Night" from Quebec was featured as the theme song for the launch of internet TV channel RawVegas.tv. "It's Gonna Be A Long Night" was also featured in season 3, episode 14 of the FX television show The Shield.

JOTD: The End

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

JOTD: Dating

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.

When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

ATM: Click

OK - I laughed occasionally at this but if it weren't free from my Library, I'd never have seen Click. (Guntarski)

*******************

There is probably no film this year I'll struggle with in terms of how I feel about it than Click, a mix of surprisingly mature comedy mixed jarringly with downright juvenile moments of gross-out gags. Many have compared the film to It's a Wonderful Life, and while there is an undeniably Capra-esque quality to the story, I think the films are sufficiently different to avoid claiming it as a carbon copy. It's a Wonderful Life is a lesson in what one man's life means to that of everyone around him, while Click is really about what everyone else's life means to the one man.

Other similarities do exist (the angel, for instance), but if one really wants to place Click in the proper context, it should really be lumped in more with the high-concept comedy-fantasies that have been made in more recent years, like Groundhog Day and Bruce Almighty, whereby a malcontent jerk learns a valuable lesson that his unhappiness with his life isn't really caused by outside forces, but rather, it resides squarely within himself. Not surprisingly, it should be noted that the screenplay for Click is written and produced by Steve Koren and Mark O'Keefe, the men that brought us Bruce Almighty.

Adam Sandler (The Longest Yard, Spanglish) stars as workaholic father and husband Michael Newman, an architect that continuously has been putting his family on the backburner so that he can finally get that promotion to partner in his company and finally getting that sense of achievement that has always been eluding him all his life. One of the many frustrations of his home life happens to come from the ridiculous amount of remote controls in his house, most of which he has no idea how to use or what they control. To simplify things, he opts to get a universal remote so that he can control all of his appliances with one simple-to-use item.

The only store open at the time is "Bed, Bath & Beyond", who generally don't sell entertainment electronics, although a trip to the fictional "Beyond" section proves to yield results. Behind the strange door is an oddball of an inventor named Morty (Walken, Wedding Crashers), who just so happens to have a universal remote -- a remote that allows Michael to control his own universe, literally. When Michael takes it home, he finds he can use the remote to pause or fast forward through events of his life, change the appearance or volume of objects, and a sundry of other handy uses that makes all of the tedium and annoyances virtually disappear. However, the remote has one feature Michael didn't know about: it intuitively remembers patterns in his behavior, and whenever he encounters a similar situation where it is usually employed, it automatically performs the function it has stored in its memory. Soon, Michael can't get the remote to stop, and now his life is literally flashing before his very eyes, and he's not liking what he sees.

It sounds like an extended episode of "The Twilight Zone", and in fact, there is a similarity to one of the the classic Rod Serling offerings, "A Kind of Stopwatch", whereby a self-centered man discovers a stopwatch that can stop time, which he uses to take control of his life, but which has tragic consequences caused by his own selfish behavior (1980's made-for-TV film, The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything also lifted this premise). Of course, this is an Adam Sandler film, which usually means that it is going to take a much more comedic approach, although it does still maintain the very dark nature of the main theme of a life wasted amidst all of the surrounding slapstick and goofiness.

I have to admit here that my expectations for Click were about as low as could be going in, and I was surprised by how engaged I was in the film once the fantasy premise was underway. Director Frank Corsaci (Around the World in 80 Days, The Waterboy) does imbue the film with the necessary element of the fantastic to buy into the farfetched premise, and the main story elements as conceived of by Koren and O'Keefe provide just the right ingredients to deliver all of the comedy, tragedy, and heartbreak that the moral lessons at the core of the film require to succeed. As nutty as it might sound when you first hear of the plot, it amazingly does work.

If there is anything to complain about, it's the cheapening of the Koren/O'Keefe screenplay by Adam Sandler and longtime Sandler collaborator Tim Herlihy (Mr. Deeds, Little Nicky). I did get some solid laughs at some of the film's most crass moments of humor, but I do think that all of the sophomoric antics come at a heavy price. It's a tall order to try to inspire us to be better people with a morality play of sorts, and then inject the film with some very crude and lewd moments, especially when so much time is spent on them. For instance, as much screen time is given to the escapades of the family dog, who just can't seem to be able to stop humping the oversized stuffed duck laying on the floor in the living room, as there is for the relationship between Michael and his children. While the humor involving the dog is undeniably funny through constant repetition, it also does reduce the emotional momentum of the film, which results in a lessened pay-off as the film tries to go for your heartstrings with an emotional and mostly serious climax.

We're expected to feel something for this shallow and hotheaded jerk without really giving us enough moments of his better qualities, which makes Morty's assertions that he is trying to help Michael because he is a good man ring very hollow. A scene involving Michael stopping time to slap around his boss (Hasselhoff, "Baywatch") and then fart into his mouth is deemed a much more worthy exploration than in the relationship between Michael and his parents. When Michael is confronted with the fact that his father (Winkler, Holes) has passed away, the story goes right into heavy sentimentality, but without the necessary build-up, it has no authority to earn the heart-wrenching feelings from us it practically begs for.

Yet, for all of its sizable detractions, Click does deliver the goods for Sandler fans, whom I suspect will think this one of his better vehicles to date. Not really being a huge Sandler fan, I also found it surprisingly funny and thoughtful enough to keep my interest, although my recommendation of the film comes with heavy reservations, as the mix of the sublime with the crass may prove to be too toxic to stomach for many viewers out there. If only Sandler could resist the temptation to smear all of his films with his own immature impulses, we might actually have one of the year's best comedies. Instead, we wish we could take that remote away from Sandler and control him with it ourselves, if only so that we could make him stop metaphorically farting in our faces whenever we actually make the mistake of thinking he is finally maturing into a performer worthy of our respect and admiration.

JOTD: 60-Pounder

Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 60-pound testicles?

People say he was half-nuts!

ATM: The Illusionist

Why couldn't the director use some illusion to make this piece of shit interesting? (Guntarski)

********

This elegant fable of art, love and politics is set in Vienna circa 1900, all thoughts of Freud being strictly intentional. The Illusionist curls around you like a smoke ring, which only enhances its mysterious allure. Writer-director Neil Burger, who stirred things up promisingly in 2002's Interview With the Assassin, shows a magician's knack for indirection. It's a talent that comes in handy in this tantalizing film adaptation of the short story Eisenheim the Illusionist, by Pulitzer Prize winner Steven Millhauser.

Edward Norton is at his best here, chalking up another boundary-stretching performance this year in the wake of the unfairly overlooked Down in the Valley. Norton plays Eisenheim, a master illusionist whose powers onstage become a menace to Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell, whose glower qualifies as a weapon). In the past, Leopold had come between Eisenheim and the woman he worships, Duchess Sophie von Teschen (Jessica Biel at her considerable loveliest). Now Leopold is about to announce his engagement to Sophie, and Eisenheim is threatening to bring the crown prince onstage and cause him to vanish.

All this attracts the attention of Chief Inspector Uhl, played by Paul Giamatti with a polished smoothness and disquieting accent miles removed from the good- natured-slob roles that put him on the movie map. Remember what I said about indirection. In the form of a romantic tragedy that takes place when Sophie is apparently murdered, Burger is constructing a parable about the nature of power and its abuses. It's up to the inspector, and the audience, to decide if Eisenheim is just an illusionist or a man in league with darker forces. It's mesmerizing fun to be fooled.

PETER TRAVERS
(Posted: Aug 3, 2006)

ATM: Babel

I had no idea how great this movie would be! (Guntarski)

***********

By Victoria Alexander
FilmsInReview.com

My weekly column, "The Devil's Hammer," appears every Monday on www.FromTheBalcony.com. The Devil's Hammer on FTB

I am a huge fan of Alejandro González Iñárritu's previous films, "21 Grams" (2003) and "Amores perros" (2000). Iñárritu is able to bring intensely felt human suffering to the screen. While the onslaught of popular films like "Hostel" and the "Saw" franchise exploit physical suffering in the extreme, Iñárritu shows us emotional pain.

It is not surprising that movie stars Brad Pitt and Cate Blachette wanted to work with Iñárritu even if it meant being a small part of an ensemble cast. Iñárritu's films possess an emotional peak that embraces suffering everyone can relate to.

Iñárritu and his "21 Grams" and "Amores perros" screenwriter Guillermo Arriaga have fashioned a story that blends together four diverse families and countries: Richard (Pitt) and Susan (Blanchett) are on vacation in Morocco. Their youngest child has died and they are trying to mend their individual guilt over the infant's death. Their other two children are at home in San Diego being cared for by their long-time housekeeper Amelia (Adriana Barraza).

Traveling in a bus filled with tourists, Susan is hit by a stray bullet. Dangerously close to death and four hours away from a hospital, the bus driver goes to the nearest village, where a villager provides help. The other tourists, selfish Westerners, want to leave Richard and Susan behind and continue their road trip. It is a cruel indictment of how rich people on vacation behave while the poor villagers show wordless compassion.

The bullet was fired from a rifle given to a Moroccan guide by a Japanese hunter. The man then sold the rifle to a goat herder, Anwar (Mohamed Akhzam).

Anwar gives the rifle to his two young sons to shoot jackals killing their goats. In trying to see how far the bullets will go, the youngest boy fires at the bus. Richard has a hard time getting help from the U.S. embassy but does get through to Amelia. She must stay with the children even though her son is getting married in Mexico. Unable to find another sitter for the children, she has no choice but to take the children with her and her nephew Santiago (Gael Garcia Bernal) across the border into Mexico. On the way back to San Diego, Santiago, drunk, gets stopped at the border and then bolts. Pursued by the border police, he leaves Amelia and the two kids in the desert to fend for themselves.

The story shifts to Tokyo, where a young deaf-mute teenager, Chieko (Rinko Kikuchi), is distraught over her mother's death. Her father (Koji Yakusho) was the Japanese hunter who gave away the rifle. Being deaf in an environment fueled by rock music and sensation-driven language, Chieko indulges in daring sexual behavior as her form of communication.

Even though the title "Babel" explains the theme of the film, it resonated with me on another level. Even though the language barrier or lack thereof (the Japanese storyline) is the dominant theme, it is clear that human pain and suffering has a universal language. The old Moroccan woman understood Susan's pain and empathized, the father's anguish over his son's actions required no subtitles, we understood Chieko's naked pain, Richard's frustration and fear did not require dialogue, and Amelia's horror and tears were emotionally riveting.

Pitt gives the emotional performance required of Iñárritu's actors. Pitt can portray an ordinary man. And while non-actor Akhzam also finds the right emotional cord, it is Barraza who gives the performance worthy of a Best Supporting Actress nomination.

Victoria Alexander lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and answers every email. You can contact Victoria directly at masauu@aol.com or by visiting www.FilmsInReview.com Victoria's column, THE DEVIL'S HAMMER, appears every Monday on FromTheBalcony.com. Go to: www.FromTheBalcony.com/devilshammer/index.htm

Victoria's column, THE DEVIL'S HAMMER,
appears every Monday on FromTheBalcony.com.
Go to: www.FromTheBalcony.com/

ATM: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glori ous Nation of Kazakhstan

Fucking hillarious!!! (Guntarski)

***************

Sacha Baron Cohen is a comic genius. As Borat Sagdiyev, a TV journalist from Kazakhstan who is the least politically correct character imaginable, Baron Cohen spits out the most outrageous racist and sexist statements he can think of. Yet it's the reaction of most of his unknowing victims that proves to be the most interesting aspect of Borat.

The defiantly unapologetic and laugh out loud funny Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is not for the easily offended or for those who don't get Sacha Baron Cohen's satirical humor. If even one scene from the trailer or TV commercials has upset you, do not go see Borat. Nothing is off-limits - not feminists, Jewish people, Pentecostals, homosexuals, or politicians. If there's a way to stir the pot and use this shocking mockumentary to make us examine our values, Borat goes for it.

Speaking in his own particularly bizarre mangled version of English, Borat begins his film by showing the audience around his glorious Kazakhstan, a country with many problems including "economic, social and Jew." After introducing us to his wife, hated neighbor, and award-winning prostitute sister, Borat explains a little about his family history (his father was Boltolk the rapist) before he and his producer, Azamat (Ken Davitian), take off for America.

Once in America, Borat proceeds to skewer Western values at every turn. From inquiring of a gun store owner which gun to buy to kill Jews, to carrying on a conversation with the head of a rodeo about killing all homosexuals and then whipping up that rodeo crowd by praising America's "war of terror," Borat's just as offensive as the genuinely shocking responses he elicits.

Sacha Baron Cohen in "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan."

(c) 20th Century FoxFollowing his declaration of Kazakhstan's support of the murder of all Iraqis, Borat proceeds to inflame the rodeo audience by singing his version of Kazakhstan's national anthem to the tune of America's. Baron Cohen as Borat knows exactly which buttons to push and then just keeps on pushing them.

It's easy to see why some of the 'innocent' people Baron Cohen as Borat encountered while filming Borat are so enraged over being included in his movie. Borat includes a few scenes of people acting like decent human beings. A used car salesman, etiquette coach, humor expert, and driving instructor all come out of their moments with Borat unscathed and with no reason to be ashamed. Others are definitely not so fortunate, and those are the ones that provide the film with its most memorable - and alarming - scenes.

Baron Cohen and director Larry Charles don't cheat when it comes to laying it all on the line. Borat is placed in the most volatile situations possible, sometimes barely escaping being hauled off to jail and even once being wrestled to the ground by the police. Yet not once over the course of the film does Sacha Baron Cohen break character. Like him or loathe him, Baron Cohen delivers an absolutely amazing performance and one audiences won't forget. It is without a doubt one of the best performances by an actor in 2006, maybe even of the decade.

As Borat's companion on the road, Ken Davitian is so believable as Borat's producer it's difficult to separate the actor from the role. There's something raw and astonishing in the way Baron Cohen and Davitian mesh. When the two get involved in a knock-down drag-out fight over Pamela Anderson that begins in their hotel room and ends with the pair getting kicked out of the hotel for making a spectacle of themselves on stage at a business presentation, it's pure comic gold. That scene alone is worth the price of a movie ticket.

Baron Cohen's brilliant film skewers anti-Semitism and racism while delivering some of the biggest laughs of the year. Borat leaves you chuckling while at the same time thinking about the root causes of prejudice and bigotry, and for that reason Borat's a must-see.

Grade: A-

Borat was directed by Larry Charles and is rated R for pervasive strong crude and sexual content including graphic nudity, and language.

Notes on Sacha Baron Cohen

Baron Cohen remained in character during the entire shoot

Baron Cohen did interviews and other publicity duties as Borat and claimed not to know
Baron Cohen.

*Da Ali G Show was commended for its positive effects on race relations by the CRE [Commission for Racial Equality]

*Baron Cohen was involved in the ARA (Anti-Racist Alliance) and marched against fascists and racists in London and against apartheid in the 80s

*Wrote "A Case of Mistaking Identities - the Jewish Black Alliance" as his thesis. The piece examined the nature of cooperation between the African-American and Jewish communities and suggested ways to improve relations in the current day. Baron Cohen's professor described it as a major work of importance on the civil rights movement and is suggested reading for history students in Cambridge.

* Source - 20th Century Fox
http://movies.about.com/

New Rules for 2007

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.


New Rule : No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule : and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule : If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"

RIF: Darkly Dreaming Dexter

Very quick read. Can't wait to read the next novel and see the Showtime series. Hurry the fuck up, Netflix! (Guntarski)

**************

In writing 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter', his first novel, Jeff Lindsay has done readers two favors, both deeply appreciated. First, he's taken the overdone, bone-tired serial killer novel and turned it on its ear. And second, he's introduced us to the devilishly delicious, delightfully funny Dexter. 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter' is a serial killer novel written from the perspective of the killer himself. While many an author has taken us into the dark psychopathic mind of such folks, none has created a psychopath so unusual, so self-effacing and so entirely likable that it's all too easy to forget his true nature.

Dexter is a blood spatter analyst for the Miami Police Department by day, albeit one handicapped by a serious abhorrence of blood. In something of a twisted Clark Kent to Superman thing, Dexter becomes a serial killer by night, carefully stalking and prepping his prey prior to wielding his knife with deadly precision and finesse. But Dexter is a serial killer with standards - his victims are exclusively serial killers themselves, particularly those who prey on children.

At the request of his step-sister, a Miami cop, Dexter helps the police pursue a serial killer who has been attacking hookers in Miami. The killer, whose work is precise, clean and elegant - quite reminiscent of Dexter's own - beckons as a uniquely intriguing, long-awaited kindred spirit. Using his offbeat political and professional skills, guided by unsettling dreams and the teachings of his step father (told through flashbacks to his childhood), Dexter tracks and confronts both the killer and his own past.

Despite his unsavory avocation, Dexter is a uniquely absorbing first-person narrator. He describes himself as a person utterly without human feeling, a situation that forces him to play-act at normalcy and feign human emotions. He is a smart, self-deprecating ghoul capable of acute observations, running a continuously streamed interior dialogue that alternates between self exploration and self admonishment. With restrained flippancy and wry humor, Dexter allows us to look at ourselves through his eyes as an outsider. And however psychopathic that outsider may be, the view is both honest and perceptive and almost always hysterically funny. Dexter describes and manipulates police-politics with amusing sagacity; he describes sexual politics with even-more comical naiveté.

'Darkly Dreaming Dexter' is deftly written like a three-act play. Act I -- we meet Dexter and experience his demonic avocation in action with viscerally-described detail. We fall in love anyway. In Act II, Dexter's dark dreams and bizarre behavior lead him to question his sanity. It leads us to do the same. In Act III, Dexter pits his dark side against his light side in a uniquely twisted denouement. We're now uncertain exactly which side is which, and we're also uncertain exactly which side wins. Epilogue -- and the winner is?

While Lindsay's Dexter is a stellar character and his plotting tight and perfectly paced, it's his prose that truly elevates this book. He is uniquely skilled at combining words with wit and veracity. His writing is at once playful and provocative, atmospheric and amusing. Lindsay's language is grossly and delightfully alliterative. Those with more patience than I can count the multitude of d-d-d phrases that run throughout the book. (They begin with the title 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter', to darkly driving Dexter, to dog-dumb Dexter, to highlight but a mere few.) I chose simply to smile, to absorb the information from each and to laud the witty presentation. As playful and funny as 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter' is, it's also a perceptive narrative with a distinctly dark element. For a grandly original mix of serial-killer drama and laugh-out-loud hilarity, do yourself a favor and delve into Dexter.

http://trashotron.com/

JOTD: Pig In Summer

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?

A: I'm bacon!

GSOTD: Gone Daddy Gone

By VIOLENT FEMMES

Beautiful girl lovely dress
high school smiles oh yes
beautiful girl lovely dress
where she is now I can only guess
cause it's gone daddy gone
your love is gone
gone daddy gone
the love is gone away
when I see you
eyes will turn blue
when I see you
thousand eyes turnin blue
tell by the way you that you switch and walk
I can see by the way that you baby talk
I can know by the way you treat your man
I can love you baby til it's a cryin
beatiful girl lovely dress
15 smiles oh yes
beautiful girl lovely dress
where she is now I can only guess

http://www.sing365.com/

JOTD: Paraplegic

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...

1) would treat her nicely

2) wouldn't run away from her

3) would be good in bed.

Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

GSOTD: I Held Her In My Arms

By VIOLENT FEMMES

I'm gnawing on the knowledge
That I have been burnt
And I'm learning things that I
Should've already learnt
Everyone I ever knew
Was so kind and coy
I was with a girl
But it felt like I was with a boy
I can't even remember
If we were lovers
Or if I just wanted to
But I held her in my arms
I held her in my arms
I held her in my arms
But it wasn't you
I will not kill
The one thing that I love
In this world of wreckage
I look above
Help me Lord
Help me understand
What it means to be a boy
What it means to be a man

http://www.lyricattack.com/

JOTD: The Confession

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.

"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I'd rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads!"

GSOTD: Dating Days

By VIOLENT FEMMES

Three women
in thirty days
tell me seriously
our dating days
are over and done
are dead and gone
it seems that no matter how much I drink
I seem to still stay sober
it seems that no matter how young I am
I seem to still feel older
three men are going to hell
thirty women are going to jail
Jonah swore he swallowed the whale
thirty thirsty women
three hundred women in three hours
told me boy forget the flowers
Christ told a man called 1 legion
come into the fold and start preachin'
your devil days are over and gone
your weary days are dead and done
your happiness has begun

http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/

ATM: Mean Girls

I've been wanting to see this for years. Today, due to a annoying case of the vertigo, I'm home from work with a shitload of movies from the libary. MEAN GIRLS is like HEATHERS without some actor doing his best Jack Nickelson impersonation. Pretty good film...even though I crashed in the middle for 30 minutes. (Guntarski)

On the surface, Mean Girls might appear to be another teen comedy, but it is much more than that. It is one of the most brilliant movies I have ever seen. The Mean Girls make Tony Soprano look like a kitty cat, and the movie will shock you with its smart comedy.

Lindsay Lohan stars as Cady - a 16-year old who has been living in Africa with her zoologist parents for as long as she can remember. She was home schooled her whole life and sheltered from modern society, so the naïve Cady has no idea what awaits her when she begins to attend public high school, a kind of jungle she hasn't experienced before.

Quickly, our young heroine learns about The Plastics - the pretty, stuck up, trend setting girls that everyone hates, but wishes they could be. They are Gretchen (Lacey Chabert) - the rich girl who wants to be the leader; Karen (Amanda Seyfried) - the dumbest girl in the history of the world; and Regina (Rachel McAdams) - the leader and meanest of the mean girls. Because Cady is pretty, she is accepted by The Plastics, but, after a horrible betrayal, decides to join with outcastes Janis (Lizzy Caplan) and Damian (Daniel Franzese) to take them down and give the mean girls a taste of their own medicine.

Will Cady be victorious? At what price?

We have been subjected to many teen comedies over the last few years, but none have reached this level of intelligence and humor. Written by Tina Fey (based on a scholarly novel by Rosalind Wiseman), Mean Girls is a subversive movie that attacks teen comedy clichés without alienating the core audience. Teens will see similarities in their life experiences, while adults will be able to appreciate how silly it is, but both groups can laugh. Fey fills the script with smart dialogue and a series of events that naturally and logically take the story to a great conclusion, but always finds a way to throw in something unexpected to liven up the film. It reminds me of the understated brilliance of classic comedies like Animal House and Caddyshack. On the surface, they are silly farces, but, underneath, something very smart is going on for those who can pick up on it. For Mean Girls, the movie makes a powerful message about modern life, being a teen, relating to your parents and exposing the horrors of high school life to anyone who forgot what it was like. For most of the cast, this is the best movie they have ever been in.

Let's start with Lindsay Lohan, who gets a star vehicle that makes us forget Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (thank you!). Lohan uses her natural ability for comedy to play a 16-year old kid that isn't overly precocious or too grown up for her age. You'll love the subtle, growing changes in her personality as the movie progresses, and Lohan never overdoes it because the script doesn't make her reach for the laugh or the right emotion. McAdams deserves special kudos for her take on the manipulative queen who knows how to hide it, but still lets her evilness shine through at the right moments.

Best of all, Fey has made sure the adults don't come off like total idiots. Most teen-oriented movies today reduce adults to imbeciles in a sad attempt to relate to kids in the audience and get a few cheap laughs (the moviemakers essentially tell the audience, "we're on your side, so buy more tickets to our movie while we fulfill your immature fantasies and delusions."). Yes, Mean Girls is full of adult characters who are funny and silly, but a few could be considered, get ready for this, role models!

Mean Girls is a virtual make work campaign for Saturday Night Live cast members with appearances from Tim Meadows, Amy Poehler, Ana Gasteyer and Fey herself, but they belong in this movie. Meadows plays his best role ever as the school principal who wants to stop the madness, and has a little crush on Fey's character, Ms. Norbury, the math teacher who wants the girls to grow up, stop the attacks on each other and take some pride in themselves. Think of Norbury as the voice of reason in a world gone wild, and you'll understand why Fey's script has the conclusion it does.

Mean Girls is hilarious, brilliant and amazing. See it this weekend. Twice.

4 Waffles (Out Of 4)

Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com

JOTD: The Truth

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" -- even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

Kids In The Hall return as middle-aged men to Montreal's comedy f est

Published Monday July 16th, 2007

TORONTO (CP) - The Kids in the Hall are not so much kids anymore.

Try middle-aged men, says the comedy troupe's co-founder Dave Foley, his soft features now framed by grey hair. It's been more than 12 years since the groundbreaking quintet redefined comedy with their off-beat sketch show, but their trademark dark streak is still there, he says.

Writing sessions to drum up all-new material for an upcoming stage show proved that heartily, says Foley, noting that the brainstorming stints were very similar to the group's creative patterns in those early days.

"There's usually one point where we sit back and look at the material and go, 'Wow, is this show way too dark?' 'Or is it way too dirty?' " Foley says by phone during a recent stop in Toronto.

"Which is the question we've been asking each other for 25 years. And then we go, 'Oh, well, that's what we wrote.' "

Homosexuals, serial killers, the clinically insane - there were few topics that were off-limits to Foley and his crew during an acclaimed run in the early '90s that earned them a cult-like following in Canada and the United States.

Their string of off-kilter characters included Bruce McCulloch's misogynist Cabbage Head, Mark McKinney's sex-crazed Chicken Lady, Kevin McDonald's unreliable Dean (The King of Empty Promises), Scott Thompson's outrageous gay socialite Buddy Cole, and Foley's affable axe murderer.

This week, the troupe brings a slate of all-new material to the Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal.

But there are few old favourites returning, save for Buddy Cole, and perhaps some "head-crushing," says Foley, referring to McKinney's bitter Mr. Tyzik, a nasal-voiced man who pretends to crush people's heads with his fingers.

"We decided it would be more fun to get up and do brand new material," Foley says. "Part of it was just to see as a group, what kind of stuff we would write together, as middle-aged men."

Although reluctant to disclose what's in the show, Foley reveals the boys did find at least one topic still taboo.
"We had one piece we were going to do - a thing called, 'Happy 25th Anniversary AIDS,' " Foley states matter-of-factly.

"Which I think we wound up abandoning. We may bring it back."

One fan who caught a preview at a small club in L.A. last month reports that new bits include sketches called Futon Love and Time Machine, while McCulloch offered up a monologue entitled, "What I would say to Nicole Richie to make her like me."

"This included putting a picture of a blade of grass on her refrigerator for 'thinspiration,' and he would tell her she's fat," 31-year-old Stephanie Sanchez writes on her entertainment site, www.iesb.net .

These days, all five of the kids live in L.A., and it's the first time in 12 years they've all lived in the same city, notes Foley.

But much has changed since their show ended in 1994. They reunited two years later for the feature film "Brain Candy," which received a lukewarm response from critics but was embraced by hardcore fans. From there, they largely went their separate ways.

After finding success starring as the straight man on NBC's "News Radio," Foley now hosts "Celebrity Poker Showdown." He'd like to return to a regular series, he says, noting he'll mostly likely try to pitch some shows for the upcoming season.

"We'll see what happens. Usually nothing," he says.

Returning to TV this fall, albeit behind the scenes, is McCulloch, who wrote and produced ABC's upcoming sitcom "Carpoolers." The Edmonton-born comic has also found success as a movie director, calling the shots on comic features including "Dog Park" and "Superstar".

McDonald, whose TV guest-spots have included "Seinfeld," "That '70s Show," and "Arrested Development," heads to Montreal with a one-man show in addition to the Kids collaboration. "Hammy and the Kids" is an autobiographical account of growing up with an alcoholic father.

Thompson has found guest spots in various films and TV shows including a short-lived stint on the Canadian reality show "My Fabulous Gay Wedding." Since the demise of "Kids" he's probably best known, however, as the gay personal assistant to Hank Kingsley on HBO's "The Larry Sanders Show."

McKinney, meanwhile, has sharpened his writing skills on shows including the Gemini-award winning "Slings and Arrows," and NBC's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," following a three-year stint on Saturday Night Live as a writer and performer.

The Kids In the Hall perform three shows in Montreal on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. "Hammy and The Kids" runs until Sunday.

On the Net: www.hahaha.com

http://www.iesb.net/index.php?optioncom-content&taskview&id2763&I

The information contained in this transmission is private. It may also be legally privileged and/or confidential information of the sender or a third party, authorized only for the use of the intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient, any use, disclosure, distribution, or copying of this transmission is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, please return the original message and notify the sender immediately.

GSOTD: I Saw You In The Crowd

By VIOLENT FEMMES

I saw you in the crowd
I saw you singing out loud
The people were swaying
The band was playing
Something real loud
I couldn't hear one word
Screams were all that I heard
But I saw her face
I saw her eyes
I saw his grace
In the dark'ning skies
I saw you raise your hand
Stretching out to the band
You reach exceeding your grasp
On the beach from the whale
Comes one last gasp
Meet me in my hotel room
Meet me just for fun
And I will not be boring
Some things I been storing
Inside to show someone like you
A few friends just stopped by
I think they wanted to get high
But it wasn't you
Who they led me to
So I bid them all good-bye
I probably would forget
This episode of regret
So I wrote this song
So when you sing along
I hope my message you will get
Meet me in my hotel room
Oh, meet me just for fun
And you will not be boring
Something you been storing
Inside to show someone like me

JOTD: Lunch

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"

Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

GSOTD: American Music

By VIOLENT FEMMES

Do you like American music
I like American music
Don't you like American music baby
I want you to hold me
I want your arms around me
I want you to hold me baby
Did you do too many drugs
I did too many drugs
Did you do too many drugs too baby
You were born too late
I was born too soon
But every time I look at that ugly moon
It reminds me of you
It reminds me of you ooh ooh ooh
I need a date to the prom
Would you like to come along
But nobody would go to the prom with me baby
They didn't like American music
They never heard American music
They didn't know the music was in my soul baby
You were born too soon
I was born too late
But every time I look at that ugly lake
It reminds me of me
It reminds me of me
Do you like American music
We like American music
I like American music baby
Do you like American music
We like all kinds of music
But I like American music best
Baby you were born too late
And I was born too late
But every time I look at that ugly lake
It reminds me of me
It reminds me of me
Do you like American music
It reminds me of me
Do you like American music...

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/